it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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