Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
