oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
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