Can i not drive my cunt home
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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