Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize