are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
