have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
