I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
