i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
worst night to have a conscience
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Pants are for mortals
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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