but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
