at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
