Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize