There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
