I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Randomize
