8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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