Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
