you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
