imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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