a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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