69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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