When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
