see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
