The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
