exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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