Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
