hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
vagina is talking i cant
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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