cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
