Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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