when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
