We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
