Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
