You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
