Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
