Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
