I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
