Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
