I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
