I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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