They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Semen is not good for contacts.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
