the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
