I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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