My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
