she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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