We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
