I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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