I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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