It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
