Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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