My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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