Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
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