But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
