so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize