Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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