well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
