You can't motorboat a personality
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
