Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I'm jealous of your bromance
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Less talking, more tequila
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
