Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
How's work?
Spinning.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
