Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
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