I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize