Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
