69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
