Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize