My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Randomize
