We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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