Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
