My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
