Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize