K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
