try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
