Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
