Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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