how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
This is the high leading the old right now
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
