i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
