i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
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