there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
These tits shall not be calmed
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
