Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
