I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
