oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
