my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
