There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
