"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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