I want to make a zoo with you.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Dicks are not precious.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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