i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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