going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Boobs speak an international language.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize